"Mischief, Mayhem... Soap."

I'm sitting in my normal spot; melting into the couch, fused into the indention of my butt, left there by years of determined sitting. I lean forward just enough to snatch up the remote from the coffee table, and flip on the TV. During the week around noon, the main channels are all playing the same thing: Soap operas. Soap operas, in my opinion, can be categorized into three main groups:

Adult:
Which includes favorites such as All My Children, General Hospital, One Life to Live, As the World Turns,The Bold and the Beautiful, Guiding Light, Days of Our Lives, The Young and the Restless, and Guiding Light.

Teenage*:
Programming including One Tree Hill and The O.C.

And bringing up the rear we have... Canadian:
Degrassi.

I'm sure at some point in our lives, we have all watched at least one, if not more of these shows. There was a time that I was nearly addicted to One Tree Hill. Every time it was on, there I was: butt fused to the sofa, eyes locked on the screen. I watched as couples fought and broke up, people were shot, basketball playoff games were won, teenagers got married, grave illness was announced, and divorces became final. This continued for months.

I didn't know why I needed to watch someone else's dramatic life. If someone were watching my life, they would see almost all the elements included your run-of-the-mill soap opera. They would watch intently as couples I know that were dating for years fight and break up, two girls die in a car accident, my friends get married, my mother is diagnosed with a brain tumor, and my parents divorce and remarry. Needless to say, I don't watch One Tree Hill anymore.

That being said, I don't have anything against people that watch soap operas. They're a viable form of entertainment. I think I would like them more if I lived in a quiet suburban home with a two car garage and a white picket fence, with a perfect family and a dog named Spot. Then, perhaps, I would be content watching other people experience things I would never see happen in my lifetime. Too bad Tolar doesn't have suburbs.

"Chad. I have to tell you something. I went to the doctor this afternoon and.... and... you're not the father of my baby!" - Some Random Soap Opera.


* I wanted to say "pubescent" here, but I can't even say that word with a straight face, so therefore I have no business typing it. I'm so mature. But I digest.**

** Yes, I know it's "digress." "Digest" is from Family Guy. I know, I checked. Online.***

*** Hot Rod. Sorry.